Admiral Rickover's Retirement - True Story
At one point in time during his career, Admiral Hyman Rickover, the father of the Nuclear Navy, was commander of a carrier task force and had his flag on the carrier.
For exercise, Adm. Rickover walked a lap around the flight deck every day. It became custom for the sailors to approach the Admiral during his walks, and gripe, complain, etc., and the Admiral would take care of the problems brought forth by the crew. It was a great morale booster.
Well, the day came when Admiral Rickover was reassigned to Washington, and a helicopter carried him off. The crew was so despondent at his departure that the helmsman wasn't paying attention to his job, and the carrier hit a sandbar.
Yes... they grounded the warship he walked on.
Almost Perfect - True Story
It seems that a young man volunteered for Navy service during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola, Florida, skipping boot camp.
The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.
On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly shot down 6 Japanese Zeroes. Then climbing up to 20,000 ft. he found 9 more Japanese planes and shot them all down, too. Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck.
He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the captain. Saluting smartly he said, "Well sir, how did I do on my very first day?"
The captain turned around, bowed, and replied, "You make one velly impoltant mistake!"
Prior to the invasion of Iraq, the Pentagon announced the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas and West Virginia boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists.
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.