This is a poem I wrote a few days ago about a little girl who was stricken with cancer and her mother who is trying to stay brave for her little bumblebee…
~I grab a hold of your hand~
and I just can’t let it go
It’s not right; it’‚s not time
~”Please God, please no”~
~I remember the day the doctors told me~
Their words came out, but I could not hear
I choked the breath out of my body
~as my heart broke into little tears~
~”Not my baby girl” I screamed out loud~
“Please not my little bumblebee”
She’s all that I have in this world
~She’s all that means anything to me~
~Cancer happens to other people~
Not to my little girl
Cancer happens to someone else
~Not to my blue eyed angel with blonde curls~
~They told me to prepare for the worst~
“No,” I screamed, “Your lying!”
“Please don’t tell me I’m losing her”
~”You can’t sit there and tell me she’s dying”~
~I think back to the past~
even a few weeks before
All the harsh things that I said to you
~when you spilled some milk on the floor~
~All the times I was too “busy”~
to read you that Dr. Suess book
I think about the things I never did with you
~and my body just broke down and shook~
~Now by your sleeping body~
I lay next to you in this hospital bed
The tears in my eyes make it impossible to see your face clearly
~As I pray “Please God, not my bumblebee… Take me instead”~
~She opened her little eyes and looked at me~
She ran her fingers down my cheek
I knew I would die if I could no longer see that face
~If I could no longer hear her speak~
~She breathed a little sigh and my little baby said~
“Mommy, everything will be ok”
“If God decides to take me”
~”He’s promised to let me be your guardian angel and watch over you every day”~
~”So you see Mommy, you don‚t have to worry”~
“We never have to say good-bye”
And her little hands reached up
~and wiped the tears streaming down my eyes~
~I kissed her little forehead~
and I took her hand in my own
I closed my eyes and prayed to God to save her
~I can’t imagine not seeing her grow~
~Watching her walk in on her first day of school~
Smiling as she plays in the mud puddles and making a mess
Proudly seeing her graduate college
~Crying happily at my baby in her wedding dress~
~Being there when she gives birth~
Holding her hand through good times and bad
“God, please don’t deny her this life”
~”The life she always should have had”~
~”There’s so much life in you my little baby” I whispered~
“You’ve got to hang on”
“I give you all my love and strength sweetheart”
~”So you stay strong”~
~I lay my head down next to her in this unknowing state~
Praying God knows how much she means to me
How much I need her, how much I love her
~My little bumblebee…~
Author’s Note: Never forget to tell the ones that you love just how much they mean to you. You never know if you have a tomorrow, but you have this moment, you have right now to let them know… that you love them.
By Victoria Benway