Perks of being over 65 and heading towards 70!
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run – anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, “did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
And remember… Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Your sweetie says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love,’ and you answer, ‘Pick one; I can’t do both!’
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN….
You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN
‘Getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take a laxative today.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN….
‘Getting lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN….
You’re not sure if these are facts or jokes.