As you travel the world over, you’ll find some very interesting signs…
especially to Americans and others who speak English…
Sign on Vietnamese restaurant in Salt Lake City, USA:
Starting Tuesday, we will be closed Monday.
An Italian hotel brochure:
This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
Sign at a French swimming pool:
Swimming is forbidden in absence of the Saviour.
Menu at an Athens, Greece hotel:
Chopped-up cow with wire through it. (Shish kebab.)
A Polish tourist brochure:
As for the tripe served you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praises to your grandchildren as you lie on your deathbed.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
An Athens, Greece hotel:
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Tanzania coffee shop:
Coffee shop where you can relax and hold your breath.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During the time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
Lisbon hotel:
If you wish disinfection enacted in your presence, please ring for the chambermaid.
Rome hotel:
Fire! It is what can doing, we hope. No fear. Not ourselves. Say quickly to all people coming up down everywhere a prayer. Always a clerk. He is assured of safety by expert men who are in the bar for telephone for the fighters of the fire come out.
French hotel:
A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers.
French restaurant menu:
Extract of fowl, peached or sunnyside up.
Sign in hotel lift In China:
Please bump your head carefully.
Shanghai metro from the public security bureau:
“If you are stolen, call the police at once.”
A sign posted in Germany’s Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cools and Heats: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Peoples will left the rooms at midday of tomorrow in place of not which will be more money for hole day.
Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh vegetables, salads, quiche. 7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 AM daily.
Bangkok Dry Cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Soviet Newspaper:
There will be a Moscow exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
Czech Tourist Agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Two signs from a Moroccan shop entrance:
‘English well speaking” and “Here speeching American.”