It’s not polite to insult or embarrass or bully people, even at work. But, if your co-workers are up to it, and the teasing persists, here are a few funny “put-downs” to put in your “verbal abuse”arsenal.
“Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.”
“I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.”
“I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.”
“Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.”
“I will always cherish the intial misconceptions I had about you.”
“Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.”
“It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.”
“i’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.”
“I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.”
“How about never? Is never good for you?”
“This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.”
“How do I get a laser printer to stun?”
“Are these your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.”
“Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is done.”
“Well, aren’t we just a ray of sunshine?”
“Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?”
“Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.”
“Do I look like a people person?”
“I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.”
“You! Off my planet!!”
“Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.”
“It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”
“You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.”
“I’m already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.”
“Are you coming on to me or having a seizure?”
“The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.”