Jokes

An elderly woman hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car, and found that she had locked her keys inside.  She found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, “I don’t know how to use this.” She bowed her …

Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would …

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old German Shepherd thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!”  Noticing some bones on the …

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed …

The economy is so bad…  I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked,  “Can you afford fries with that?” I got a ‘pre-declined’ credit card in the mail. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf. If the bank returns your check marked  “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if …

A mother was concerned about her kindergarten son, Timmy, walking to school. He didn’t want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe. So she had an idea of how to handle it. …

If you can start the day without caffeine,  If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,  If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,  If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,  If you can understand when your loved …

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him resting on the seventh day . He inquired, “Where have you been?” God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.” Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?” “It’s …

A blonde teenage girl, wanting to earn some extra money for the Summer, decided to hire herself out as a ‘handy-woman’ and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her …

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, ‘How old was your husband?’  ’98,’ she replied… Two years older than me’   ‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented…   She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?’ ~~~~~~~ Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old …