Humor

In January 2000, leaders in Charlotte, North Carolina, invited their favorite son, Billy Graham, to a luncheon in his honor.  Billy initially hesitated to accept the invitation because he struggled with Parkinson’s disease. But the Charlotte leaders said, “We don’t expect a major address. Just come and let us honor …

Don’t piss off old people… the older they get, the less “Life in Prison” is a deterrent. Have you ever listened to some folks for a minute and thought…”Their cornbread ain’t done in the middle.” Teenagers! Tired of being harassed by your parents? ACT NOW!! Move Out. Get a Job. …

TEACHER: Why are you late?STUDENT: Class started before I got here. —- TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.MARIA: Here it is.TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?CLASS: Maria.  —-  TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to …

The Talking Dog A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house:Talking Dog For Sale. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there. …

A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.    Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.  The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform …

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.  The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.  “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in …

— Author Unknown  Don’t name a pig you plan to eat.  Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.  Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.  Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.  Life is …

Author Unknown HEAVEN JOKE After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for an orientation session. They are all asked the same question: “When you are in your casket and family and friends are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” …

Author Unknown  Larry Walters is among the relatively few who have actually turned their dreams into reality. His story is true, even though you may find it hard to believe.  Larry was a truck driver, but his lifelong dream was to fly. When he graduated from high school, he joined …

— Author Unknown  Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven, where he is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.  The gates are closed, however, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. St. Peter says “Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you. We’ve heard so many good things about …