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Here is a compilation of “Dear Abby” questions, actually written by some clueless people, which can be found in “The Best of Dear Abby,” a 1981 book of memorable letters from her readers…
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On My VCR?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything – and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months, and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered – I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex – and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Remember these people can vote.
Here are some more true questions, with Dear Abby’s funny answers…
DEAR ABBY:
I’ve been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he’s going out with me just for what he can get?
GERTIE
DEAR GERTIE: I don’t know. What’s he getting?
—–
DEAR ABBY:
My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I’d like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he’d like?
CAROL
DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he’d like. Give him a tie.
—–
DEAR ABBY:
Are birth control pills deductible?
KAY
DEAR KAY: Only if they don’t work.
—–
DEAR ABBY:
Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?
WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.
—–
DEAR ABBY:
Do you think about dying much?
CURIOUS
DEAR CURIOUS: No, it’s the last thing I want to do.
—–
DEAR ABBY:
Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time?
JAKE
DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.
—–
DEAR ABBY:
I know boys will be boys, but my ‘boy’ is seventy-three and he’s still chasing women. Any suggestions?
ANNIE
DEAR ANNIE: Don’t worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn’t know what to do with it.
—–
DEAR ABBY:
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
SAM IN CAL.
DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.
—–
DEAR ABBY:
What inspires you most to write?
TED
DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
—–
DEAR ABBY:
When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, “I’ve heard a lot about you”?
RITA
DEAR RITA: It depends on what you’ve heard.
—–
DEAR ABBY:
I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits.
ROSE
DEAR ROSE: So would I.
—–
DEAR ABBY:
What’s the difference between a wife and a mistress?
BESS
DEAR BESS: Night and Day.
