By Besy Carandang
Today, I tried to do something I wasn’t able to do for a long time… write. It seems that my being lost for awhile disabled my heart and my hands as well, from doing the things I love. I tried several times but I never got it in me to come up with a composition that at least would make sense. Until last night when someone important to me gave me a reason for me to wake up today and share to those people around me the music my heart is playing nowadays.
“Let’s just trust wherever fate will lead us.” That was what I heard the boy said when he was talking to this girl whom I can say became special to him. “Can’t you see? I already did and I hope that fate would be kind this time”, the girl replied.
It’s been quite a while since that day wherein she had to watch a certain person walk away from her. She can still remember how that moment felt when he said goodbye until that time when he disappeared from her sight. Knowing her, at that instant wherein he took his first step, I am sure she would have embraced him and pleaded for him to stay but I saw something different in her at that time. I saw a strong woman who accepted their destiny and who did let go of the person she loved for him to find his place in this world. I know she could have told the man that she will patiently wait for his return but she did not. She felt the pain every time the man took a step away from her. In every step, the things that they used to do and those times they spent together flashed back, that made it harder for her to breathe. The emotions that she hid in her heart started to show as little crystals of water started to well up in her eyes. A tear fell but she stood still and watched him leaving because she knows that it would be the last time she will see that man she was suppose to share forever with. She left that place where a dream was shattered and where a heart was broken, a road that she will not have the courage to pass through again in her lifetime.
The first morning was the most difficult part. It’s as if she was a newly born who does not know who she is, what she will do and where she will go. For the times that they were together, she lived in the world of his beloved. She learned to live his life. Upon waking up, thoughts of him started to sneak up her thoughts but before it could, she shook it away and tried to keep herself busy. It worked for some time until that day when she was with her acquaintances. They were all around her laughing, shouting, goofing around, sharing stories and cracking jokes. She was there sitting down in the chair circling her finger at the top of the glass wine trying to make a sound out of it. She sighed and told herself, “I don’t know myself anymore. I don’t know how to smile, I don’t know what makes me happy, and I don’t remember what I love to do…it’s as if I lost my identity.” She then stood up and went home. Upon entering her room, she did herself a favor and cried it all out. Hoping that tomorrow would be a better day for her.
Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. She bravely tried to face each day where no one understands what she is going through. I can still remember something her friend told her, “No one has the right to condemn you on how you repair your heart because no one knows how much you’re hurting.” She slowly learned how to smile and be with people but deep inside she is this numb creation that refused to feel anything. She once again went out with her friends but this time she learned how to speak and relish the moment. They were laughing their hearts out when this man came in but she was too busy to notice. She didn’t know that it was destiny knocking at her door trying to show her the beginning of her new journey.
He became a good friend to her, I can see that he was able to teach her a lot of things and bring back her old self one day at a time without her noticing it. She began to laugh again and what really made a mark in me was that day when I once again saw that glow in her eyes. That glow that all people who are close to her missed so much, that glow that would show us how happy she was without even telling us. One day, she came to me and told me, “I thought it was impossible at first but that day came when I returned to that place, the place where I lost myself. The place did not look the same. When the sun did set during that time, it looked lonely. But when I went there, the sunset gave a stunning view that I will never forget.” Then she paused for a while, took a deep breath and smiled. “I thought I will never understand. I thought I will never be able to forgive. I thought that the pain will never go away. But now I understand that some things will never work if it is not meant to happen. There will be really some promises that will be broken in this life and that is the sad fact that we all have to accept. I have forgiven him for walking away because I know that just like me he also tried to make it work. I know he loved me the best way he could. And now that I have learned to understand and forgive, I can no longer feel the pain anymore. I won’t be able to go back to this place if it weren’t for this man who brought me back my life. He was there when no one else noticed me. He was there when I had nothing. He held my hand and never let go throughout this journey. I never thought that there is a man in this earth who is brave enough to walk with me going to my past where he wasn’t even a part of just to help me heal. I don’t need for him to shout for the whole world to hear how much I mean to him. When he gave me his world, I already knew. Now this place will be remembered as a place where there is full of hope and where a heart was made whole by one brave soul who cares for me so much”, she said.
He was the strangest blessing that came to her life, the strangest blessing that brought out the best of her. They put their trust now to fate and all we can do for now is to hope and pray that fate will be kind to the both of them this time. Fate will lead them to where they are destined to be.