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The Truth and Humor of Children

Nowhere will you find more truth and humor than the innocence of a child. Read what some children have said when approached with unique situations.

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While I sat in the reception area of my doctor’s office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist’s desk, the man sat there, alone and silent.

Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother’s lap and  walked over to the wheelchair.  Placing his hand on the man’s, he said, “I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.”

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As I was nursing my baby, my cousin’s six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room.  Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing.

After mulling over my answers, she remarked, “My mom has some of those, but I don’t think she knows how to use them.”

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Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a  little wistful.  “In ten years,” I said, “you’ll want to  be with your friends and you won’t go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now.”

Carolyn shrugged.  “In ten years you’ll be too old to do all those things anyway.”

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Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children.  One day, I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle.

“No, no, no!” she screamed.

“Lizzie,” scolded her mother, “that’s not polite behavior.”

With that, the girl yelled even louder, “No, thank you!  No, thank you!”

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On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, “Dad, I know babies come from mommies’ tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?”

After my son hemmed and hawed awhile,  my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, “You don’t have to make up something, Dad.  It’s okay if you don’t know the answer.”

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Just before I was deployed to Iraq, I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him.  “I’m going to be away for a long time,” I told him. “I’m going to Iraq.”

“Why?” he asked… “Don’t you know there’s a war going on over there?”

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Paul Newman founded the ‘Hole in the Wall Gang Camp’ for children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood diseases.  One afternoon, he and is wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids.

A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn’t know
Newman was a famous movie star, explained, “That’s the man who made this camp possible.  Maybe you’ve seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?”

Blank stares.

“Well, you’ve probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.”

An eight-year-old girl perked  up…  “How long was he missing?”

~~~~~~~

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST

Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected, all incorrect spelling has been left in).

  1. In the first book of the bible, Guinness’s. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
  2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.
  3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
  4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
  5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
  6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
  7. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
  8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
  9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
  10. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
  11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada .. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
  12. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
  13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical times.
  14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had
  15. wives and
  16. porcupines.
  17. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
  18. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
  19. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
  20. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
  21. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone.
  22. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
  23. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
  24. The epistels were the wives of the apostals.
  25. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
  26. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige.
  27. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony

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