Why I Like Retirement

Question:  How many days in a week?  

Answer:  6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday 

Question:  When is a retiree’s bedtime?  

Answer:  Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. 

Question:  How many retirees to change a light bulb?  

Answer:  Only one, but it might take all day. 

Question:  What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?  

Answer:  There is not enough time to get everything done. 

Question:  Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?  

Answer:  The term comes with a 10% discount. 

Question:  Among retirees what is considered formal attire?  

Answer:  Tied shoes. 

Question:  Why do retirees count pennies?  

Answer:  They are the only ones who have the time.   

Question:  What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?  

Answer:  NUTS!   

Question:  Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? 

Answer:  They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. 

Question:  What do retirees call a long lunch?  

Answer:   Normal. 

Question:  What is the best way to describe retirement?  

Answer:  The never ending Coffee Break. 

Question:  What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?

Answer:  If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. 

Question:  Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?  

Answer:  He is too polite to tell the whole truth.  

And, my very favorite… 

QUESTION:  What do you do all week?  

Answer:  Monday through Friday, NOTHING… Saturday & Sunday, I rest.