Elderly

An elderly woman hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car, and found that she had locked her keys inside.  She found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, “I don’t know how to use this.” She bowed her …

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house —  Mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know …

TRUE, BUT FUNNY, STORY An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, …

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, ‘How old was your husband?’  ’98,’ she replied… Two years older than me’   ‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented…   She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?’ ~~~~~~~ Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old …

Question:  How many days in a week?   Answer:  6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday  Question:  When is a retiree’s bedtime?   Answer:  Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.  Question:  How many retirees to change a light bulb?   Answer:  Only one, but it might take all day.  Question:  …

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. Keep skunks and bankers at a distance. Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled. Meanness don’t jes’ happen …

Tom is 71years old and loves to fish. Tom was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, ‘Pick me up.’He looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,‘Pick me up.’ He looked in the water and there, floating …

You just have to appreciate this one.  Young people forget that we old people had a career before we retired ~~ Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, …

• Eventually, you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. • Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re getting old. Squash their toes with your rocker. • The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. • …

A Scotsman, Irishman and Englishman walk into a bar. A fly lands in the beer of the Englishman and he pushes the beer aside and orders another. Another fly lands in the Scotsman beer, he pulls the fly out and keeps drinking. Another fly lands in the Irishman’s beer. The …