There was a biology student who was studying equilibrium in sea birds with a specific focus on terns. He proposed that giving measured doses of THC (from, of course, marijuana) and observing their flight patterns would give some insight to the problems of equilibrium in three dimensional space.
This proposal being given in a more liberal era, the student got the funding. He filled out mountains of forms, set up a lab with a ready supply of terns, and proceeded on his way. After a year of diligent work, groveling monthly before the review committee to get his stipend, and living with drugged terns, he completed his study. With trembling hands, he delivered his 247-page report, complete with charts and graphs, to the review committee.
The august body peruses his study, asking penetrating questions and reducing our student to jell-o. Finally, the department head rises. The light reflects off her steel rimmed glasses as she stares down at our student. “There is a lot of good work here,” she says. “But we can’t accept this report. You have detailed marvelously the effects of THC on terns but you forgot one essential step: you have no control group.”
Our student turns pale and says, “You don’t mean…”
“Yes. I’m afraid so. You left no tern unstoned.”
MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY FOR THE LAYMAN
Artery——————–The study of fine paintings.
Barium——————-What you do when CPR fails.
Cesarean Section——-A district in Rome.
Colic———————-A sheep dog.
Coma———————A punctuation mark.
Dilate———————To live long.
GI Series——————Baseball game between teams of soldiers.
Hangnail—————–A coat hook.
Medical staff————A doctor’s cane.
Minor operation——–Coal digging.
Morbid——————-A higher offer.
Nitrate——————-Lower than the day rate.
Node———————Was aware of.
Outpatient————–Person who has fainted.
Post-operative———-A letter carrier.
Protein——————-In favor of young people.
Serology—————–Study of English knighthood.
Tablet——————–A small table.
Tumor——————-An extra pair.
Urine——————–Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose veins———-Veins which are very close together.
Benign——————-What you be after you be eight.
Two astrophysicists are discussing their research in a bar one evening when a drunk who has been sitting and listening in at the next seat turns and says, in a very worried voice, “What was that you just said?”
“We were discussion stellar evolution, and I said to my colleague here that the Sun would run out of nuclear fuel and turn into a red giant star in about 5 billion years, possibly melting the Earth.”
“Whew!” says the drunk, “You really had me worried. I thought you said 5 million.”
Janet Reid was driving her daughter westward after the Malibu fires when the smoke in the sky made everything look surreal. “Oh, Wendy, look at the sun,” she told her daughter. “It looks like a big ball of fire.”
The three-year-old preschooler replied: “It IS a big ball of fire.”
– from Los Angeles Times, Jan 13, 1997
Reciprocating Dingle Arm – very funny!
Years ago, Rockwell International decided to get into the heavy duty transmission business. They were getting ready to tape a first introduction video, and as a warm up, the professional narrator began what has become a legend within the trucking industry. This man should have won an academy for his stellar performance. Now, remember… this is strictly off the cuff. Nothing is written down – this became the biggest talk in the industry vs the new product which they were introducing.