By Erma Bombeck Dear Mother, When the Good Lord was creating mothers He was into His 6th day of “overtime” when the angel appeared and said, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.” And the Lord said, “Have you read the specification on this order?” “She has …

"A rich child often sits in a poor mother's lap. " -- Danish Proverb

"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. " -- Charles R. Swindoll

"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money." -- Abigail Van Buren

"My mother was the making of me." (Thomas Alva Edison)

We've all heard the haunting song, "Taps," before. It's the song that gives us a lump in our throats and often creates tears in our eyes. This is the true story...

The True Story of TAPS -- "24 Notes That Tap Deep Emotions"
-- By MSG Jari A. Villanueva, USAF

Excerpted by Lee Iacocca

-- Author Unknown

My son came home from school one day, with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough, to put me in my place.

"Guess what I learned in Civics Two, what's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today, The "Children's Bill of Rights."

It says I need not clean my room, don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think, or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion, and regardless what you say,

In case you need further proof the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on current consumer goods.

On a Sear's hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. "Details inside."
(The shoplifter special)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how?)

Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous.'

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.

One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was shining, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do. Play golf or give the Sunday service.

By Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, it's full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

-- Author Unknown

David Morse - American missionary to India - became great friends there with the pearl-diver, Rambhau. Many an evening he spent in Rambhau's cabin reading to him from the Bible, and explaining to him God's way of salvation.