By Ina Hughs

We pray for children
who put chocolate fingers everywhere,
who like to be tickled,
who stomp in puddles and ruin their new pants,
who sneak Popsicles before supper,
who erase holes in math workbooks,
who can never find their shoes.

And we pray for those
who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,
who’ve never squeaked across the floor in new sneakers,
who never “counted potatoes,”
who are born in places we wouldn't be caught dead,

The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday School quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade ages in Ohio. They were collected by two teachers over a period of three years.

• Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

   

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One day while walking downtown, a Human Resources woman was hit by a bus and was tragically killed. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an HR manager make it this far and we're really not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

They get stolen, so you blame the previous regime and steal someone else's cows and shoot the owner.

A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION

A farmer has two cows.

"Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."

"I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce."

"I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."

"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."

"I will always cherish the intial misconceptions I had about you."

"Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."

Occasionally, airline attendants and pilots make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

Apparently the following answers were offered by British students in the public examinations set for 15 year olds.

English

Define the word “monotony.”
Monotony is being married to the same person all your life.

Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

What does the word “benign” mean?
Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Those of you who may be planning summer travel, please remember that people in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world.

History Of The World According To American Grade School Student Exam Papers

If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out. Age is a high price for maturity. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. If you must choose between two …