Why do we miss Rodney Dangerfield? Because... One of history's funniest comedians said this. ---- My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home! A hooker once told me she had a headache. I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service. If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

~ Author Unknown ÔÇ¿ÔÇ¿

There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. This was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.

One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful cup. They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quite so beautiful."

As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the cup spoke. "You don't understand," it said. "I haven't always been a teacup. There was a time when I was red and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'let me alone,' but he only smiled, 'Not yet.'"

Mellen-Thomas Benedict is an artist who survived a near-death experience in 1982. He was dead for over an hour and a half. During that time, he rose up out of his body and went into the light. Curious about the universe, he was taken far into the remote depths of existence, and even beyond, into the energetic void of nothingness behind the Big Bang. Eminent near-death experience researcher Dr. Kenneth Ring has said, "His story is one of the most remarkable I have encountered in my extensive research on near-death experiences."

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A Profoundly Inspiring Near-Death Experience Story
ÔÇ¿-- A True Story by Mellen-Thomas Benedict

Dead Duck A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

A True Story by Jim Hullihan

Some people are just doomed to be failures. That's the way some adults look at troubled kids. Maybe you've heard the saying, "A bird with a broken wing will never fly as high." I'm sure that T. J. Ware was made to feel this way almost every day in school.

A TRUE UPLIFTING STORY… By Geoff Kirbyson Laurie Johnston took a gift of $200 more than a half-century ago and turned it into $1 million. The retired pharmacist donated $500,000 on Friday to both the Misericordia Health Centre Foundation and the Riverview Heath Centre Foundation. The impetus for his philanthropy …

By Neil Senturia and Barbara Bry Every once in a while, we find a story that embodies the triumph of the human spirit, the successful achievement against all odds, the individual passion for a better life that transcends all the noise from the digital, technology, blogosphere ÔÇö just mano-a-mano against the darkness and the sadness. In this case, the manos are two women refugees whose stories give us all a moment to pause and consider our many blessings, particularly at this time of year.

-- By Mark Tier The other day my cable company called to offer me two tickets to a special preview of the latest Sherlock Holmes movie. FREE. I wasn't interested myself (this Sherlock wasn't Basil Rathbone). But I knew my two boys would be. And the price was right. That evening, we were a bit rushed for time so instead of having dinner at home we had close-to-indigestible fast food near the movie theater. Bang. There went the price of eight movie tickets. Another movie ticket went into popcorn.

-- Author unknown On Monday, I played the Disney, Lake Buena Vista course. As usual the starters matched me with three other players. After a few holes we began to get to know each other a bit. One fellow was rather young and had his wife riding along in the golf cart with him. I noticed that his golf bag had his name on it and after closer inspection, it also said "wounded war veterans". When I had my first chance to chat with him I asked him about the bag. His response was simply that it was a gift. I then asked if he was wounded and he said yes. When I asked more about his injury, his response was "I'd rather not talk about it, sir."

A Cup of Hot Tea = A Cup of Good Health Tea Consumption Linked to Numerous Body Benefits A hot cup of tea may do more than relax you. Research shows tea consumption may help prevent a wide range of ailments. The latest medical research is finding potential healing powers in this ancient beverage. Recent research, for instance, suggests drinking tea may help prevent everything from cavities to Parkinson's disease. And some studies indicate it may even save lives. The benefits of tea consumption may extend throughout the body, experts believe. Here is a partial list of conditions some research has shown may be prevented or improved by drinking tea: