Christianity

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only 1
Hands already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None
Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15

Be Fishers of Men.... You catch 'em, He'll Clean 'em.
~~~~~~~
A clean conscience makes a soft pillow.
~~~~~~~
A family altar can alter a family.
~~~~~~~
A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
~~~~~~~
Are you wrinkled with burden? Come on into Church for a faith lift!
~~~~~~~
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
~~~~~~~
Do your best and then sleep in peace. God is Awake.
~~~~~~~
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
~~~~~~~
Exercise daily. Walk with the Lord!
~~~~~~~
Fear knocked. Faith answered. No one was there.
~~~~~~~
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
~~~~~~~

-- By Danny Dutton
Written by an 8 year old from Chula Vista, CA, for his third grade homework assignment. The assignment was to explain God. I just wonder if any of us could do as well?

One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth.

He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.

If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.

-- Author unknown

A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to  absorb the culture. When the son returned, he said, "Papa, I had a great  time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity."

"Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?"

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.

One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was shining, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do. Play golf or give the Sunday service.

By Andy Rooney

I Have Learned that...

... the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

... when you're in love, it shows.

... just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

... having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

... being kind is more important than being right.

... you should never say no to a gift from a child.