Education

By Taylor MaliÔÇ¿

He says the problem with teachers is, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?" He reminds the other dinner guests that it's true what they say about teachers:
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.

I decide to bite my tongue instead of his and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests that it's also true what they say about lawyers.

Because we're eating, after all, and this is polite company.

"I mean, you're a teacher, Taylor," he says. "Be honest. What do you make?"

Reciprocating Dingle Arm – very funny!
 
Years ago, Rockwell International decided to get into the heavy duty transmission business. They were getting ready to tape a first introduction video, and as a warm up, the professional narrator began what has become a legend within the trucking industry. This man should have won an academy for his stellar performance. Now, remember... this is strictly off the cuff. Nothing is written down - this became the biggest talk in the industry vs the new product which they were introducing.

Author Unknown

Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the bathroom, and (at the end of the six weeks) have been seen grading in church.

Real teachers cheer when they hear April 1st does not fall on a school day.

Real teachers clutch a pencil while thinking and make notes in the margins of books.

Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.

Real teachers never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.

-- By Charles Sykes, from his book "Dumbing Down our Kids"

Teacher Applicant

After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, "Let me see if I've got this right...

You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.

You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After approximately 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times.

At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.

-- Author Unknown

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom.

The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children.
The teacher asked a little boy:
TEACHER : Tommy, do you see the tree outside?ÔÇ¿

TOMMY : Yes.

ÔÇ¿TEACHER : Tommy, do you see the grass outside?ÔÇ¿

TOMMY : Yes.ÔÇ¿

TEACHER : Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.ÔÇ¿

TOMMY : Okay. (He returned a minute later) Yes, I saw the sky.

ÔÇ¿TEACHER : Did you see God?ÔÇ¿

TOMMY : No.ÔÇ¿

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

They get stolen, so you blame the previous regime and steal someone else's cows and shoot the owner.

A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION

A farmer has two cows.

-- Author Unknown

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem.