Elderly

Perks of being over 60 and heading towards 70! 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run - anywhere. 4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "did I wake you?" 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. You can eat supper at 4 pm. 9. You can live without sex but not your glasses. 10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. 13. You sing along with elevator music. 14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer: I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS. I asked for her driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. The lady took out …

As I've aged... I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4AM or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love... I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night while watching TV, the old …

An elderly man in Louisiana owned a large farm for several years. 

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe  courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while.

Before he went, he grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

In his beautiful book, “I Shall Not Want,” Robert Ketchum tells of a Sunday School teacher who asked her group of children if anyone could quote the entire 23rd Psalm. A golden-haired, four-and-a-half-year-old girl was among those who raised their hands. A bit skeptical, the teacher asked if she could …

There once was a man and a woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They talked about everything. They kept no secrets from each other… except that the old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she cautioned her husband never to …

There once was a man and a woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They talked about everything. They kept no secrets from each other… except that the old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she cautioned her husband never to …

A man owned a small ranch near Sheridan, Wyoming. The Wyoming Labor Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the investigator.

"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board.

The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus free room and board.

HOW  TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This  includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That  is why you pay 'them.'

2. Keep  only cheerful friends. The  grouches pull you down.

3. Keep  learning. Learn more  about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain  idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.'

4. Enjoy  the simple things. 

5. Laugh often, long  and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.