Humor

Funny short stories and jokes. Enjoy humorous stories to brighten your day.

4 Short American Stories

Dean Rusk, Secretary of State

-- Unproven

When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by
the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example
of 'empire building' by George Bush. Powell answered by saying, "Over
The years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and
Women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders.
The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough
to bury those that did not return." You could have heard a pin drop.

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Meanings of Famous Phrases

picture of George Washington

In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted.  Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms.  Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are 'limbs,' therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, 'Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg.'   

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A Change Of Plans

Billboard reading Guilt Trip

-- Author unknown

I had not really planned on taking a trip this time of year, and yet I found myself packing rather hurriedly.

This trip was going to be unpleasant and I knew in advance that no real good would come of it.

I'm talking about my annual "Guilt Trip."

I got tickets to fly there on "WISHIHAD" airlines. It was an extremely short flight.

I got my baggage, which I could not check. I chose to carry it myself all the way. It was weighted down with a thousand memories of what might have been.

No one greeted me as I entered the terminal to the Regret City International Airport.  I say international because people from all over the world come to this dismal town.

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Road Rage

Supposedly a True Story -- Author unknown

An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.

He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

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How To Stay Young

elderly lady studying the computer

HOW  TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This  includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That  is why you pay 'them.'

2. Keep  only cheerful friends. The  grouches pull you down.

3. Keep  learning. Learn more  about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain  idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.'

4. Enjoy  the simple things. 

5. Laugh often, long  and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

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Old Friends Forever

old photo of old friends

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, and my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

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