Jokes

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What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Wedding dress $5000. Wedding Tux rental-$100.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your oyster.

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to  absorb the culture. When the son returned, he said, "Papa, I had a great  time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity."

"Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?"

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A Man's Perspective)

I know I'm never going to understand women.
I can't understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor...
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.

One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was shining, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do. Play golf or give the Sunday service.