Humor

Funny short stories and jokes. Enjoy humorous stories to brighten your day.

Puns for Educated Minds

Education humorous stories

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. …

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Holiday Eating Tips

Holiday meals and eating tips

— Author unknown 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls. 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. …

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Castaway Dreams

A not so true story, but an astute observation nonetheless… One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life… that is, until the ship sank. He soon found himself on an island with no other people, …

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Repaint

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings. Smokey put in a bid and, because his price was so low, he got the job. So, he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

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As I’ve aged…

holding hands

As I've aged... I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4AM or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love... I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

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Children Are Quick

Kids with Emoji faces

---- TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ---- TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ---- TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. ---- TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong. GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) ---- TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. ----

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Children’s Prayers

A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."

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Old Timers

Elderly people laughing at funny stories

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night while watching TV, the old …

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Dear Abby Letters

Here is a compilation of "Dear Abby" questions, actually written by some clueless people, which can be found in "The Best of Dear Abby," a 1981 book of memorable letters from her readers...

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What Teachers Make

teacher helping students in class

By Taylor MaliÔÇ¿

He says the problem with teachers is, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?" He reminds the other dinner guests that it's true what they say about teachers:
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.

I decide to bite my tongue instead of his and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests that it's also true what they say about lawyers.

Because we're eating, after all, and this is polite company.

"I mean, you're a teacher, Taylor," he says. "Be honest. What do you make?"

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