Humor

Teacher Applicant

After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, "Let me see if I've got this right...

You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.

You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

As you travel the world over, you'll find some very interesting signs...
especially to Americans and others who speak English...

Sign on Vietnamese restaurant in Salt Lake City, USA:ÔÇ¿
Starting Tuesday, we will be closed Monday.

An Italian hotel brochure:ÔÇ¿
This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.

Sign at a French swimming pool:ÔÇ¿
Swimming is forbidden in absence of the Saviour.ÔÇ¿ÔÇ¿

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After approximately 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times.

At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swing.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and  nudged his faithful friend. Holmes said: “Watson, look up and tell me what you see”. Watson said: “I see a …

Two men died and went to heaven. God greeted them and said, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be."

Before you read the jokes on this page about Happiness...
If you really want to be happy, don't worry... this is just for you!
Listen to this little tune Bobby Mcferrin wrote (and sang)... just for you...
"Dont Worry, Be Happy!"

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only 1
Hands already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None
Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life... you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed.

Quotes made by famous people without much thought...

On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995. Here's her answer to her question...
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." -- Heather Whitestone