Humor

by Maureen Killoran

Back in the 1920’s when Polish-American entrepreneur Leo Gerstenzang invented cotton swabs as a safer way to clean his baby’s ears, he called his product “Q-Tip.” Actually, his first name-choice was “Baby Gay” – but that didn’t sell, so the by-now familiar name emerged. Mr. Gerstenzang chose “Q” for Quality . . . and he must have been on to something, because Q-Tip has become a household word (and we’ve developed a whole another set of connotations for ‘Baby Gay.’)

A True Story - Author Unknown

They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-three students filing into the already crowded auditorium. With rich maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up as they felt.

Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and moms freely brushed away tears.

Charlotte, North Carolina, USA -- Author unknown

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked …

A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her Clarkston, MI class. She presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. …

In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English. In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation home. In …

Attributed to George Carlin

We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less common sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

By Betty King

Had I stepped on the scales that morning, the needle would not quite have come to rest on 200 pounds. It would have settled though, way past my prime weight of 120. Cowboy boots were not part of my attire but I had managed to stuff my thighs into a pair of denim jeans.

I rode my three-wheel-motorized scooter over sand and past cacti to the front of the barn; there I waited my next mode of transportation.

This essay is attributed to Paul Harvey, as it has circled the Internet for some time now. But Paul Harvey did not write it. The true author, Lee Pitts, published the nostalgic essay in 2000 in the book "Chicken Soup for the Golden Soul." Paul Harvey does use material written by Lee Pitts from time to time, and he did read this particular essay (crediting Pitts, of course) during his September 6, 1997 broadcast.

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By Lee Pitts

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse.

Author Unknown Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new …