Dialogue

Question:  How many days in a week?   Answer:  6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday  Question:  When is a retiree’s bedtime?   Answer:  Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.  Question:  How many retirees to change a light bulb?   Answer:  Only one, but it might take all day.  Question:  …

These are actual comments made on students’ report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!) 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your …

Joe’s had headaches. The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.  The bad news is that it will require castration.   You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.” The only way …

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane, and he turned to her and asked, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger.” The little girl, who was drawing some pictures, replied to the total stranger, …

Tom is 71years old and loves to fish. Tom was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, ‘Pick me up.’He looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,‘Pick me up.’ He looked in the water and there, floating …

You just have to appreciate this one.  Young people forget that we old people had a career before we retired ~~ Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, …

— Author unknown A long time ago, an unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids.  He applies for a janitor’s job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test. The human resources manager tells him, ‘You will be hired at minimum wage of …

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his …

In these strange times of self-quarantining, like many others are during this world-wide novel coronavirus pandemic, we must bite our lips and endure… Day 1 – I can do this!! Got enough food and wine to last a month!  Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of wine. I fear …

A Scotsman, Irishman and Englishman walk into a bar. A fly lands in the beer of the Englishman and he pushes the beer aside and orders another. Another fly lands in the Scotsman beer, he pulls the fly out and keeps drinking. Another fly lands in the Irishman’s beer. The …