Life

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, ‘How old was your husband?’  ’98,’ she replied… Two years older than me’   ‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented…   She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?’ ~~~~~~~ Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old …

Question:  How many days in a week?   Answer:  6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday  Question:  When is a retiree’s bedtime?   Answer:  Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.  Question:  How many retirees to change a light bulb?   Answer:  Only one, but it might take all day.  Question:  …

By Mac Anderson, founder of SimpleTruths.com Many years ago, Barbara Glanz was speaking to 3,000 employees of a large grocery chain. Her speech was on customer service and how to create memories to make the customers want to come back. At the end of her presentation, she put up her …

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one’s seen before. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. If it …

These are actual comments made on students’ report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!) 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your …

This is a pretty neat story and an interesting thing that few of us know. It’s brief, so please read. (FROM A DOCTOR)   A couple of days ago I was running (I use that term very loosely) on my treadmill, watching a DVD sermon by Louie Giglio… And  I was BLOWN  AWAY! …

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. Keep skunks and bankers at a distance. Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled. Meanness don’t jes’ happen …

A MOTHERS MOTTO: You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child.” — Unknown “If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money.” — Abigail Van Buren (‘Dear Abby’)“Youth fades; love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; A mother’s …

Creator of the “Peanuts” Gang The late Earle Nightingale, writer and publisher of inspirational and motivational newsletters, once told a story about a boy named Sparky.  For Sparky, school was all but impossible.  He failed every subject in the eighth grade.  He flunked physics in high school, getting a grade of zero. Sparky …

Tom is 71years old and loves to fish. Tom was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, ‘Pick me up.’He looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,‘Pick me up.’ He looked in the water and there, floating …