Humor

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, and my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

-- Author Unknown

The baggy yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front.  It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape.  I found it in 1963 when I was home from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom intended to give away.

"You're not taking that old thing, are you?"  Mom said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt.  "I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in 1954!"

-- Author unknown

Does the statement, "Because we've always done it that way"... ring any bells?

The U.S. standard railroad gauge (the distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used?

Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?

You will feel better about yourself when you read this...

IDIOTS IN SERVICE:

The Sunday School lesson for the first graders was on the plan of
salvation. The teacher asked, "If I sold my house and my car, had
a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would I
get into heaven?"

"No!" all the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept
everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "No!"

-- Author unknown

This may seem a little too risque to some, but it's so True... and Funny!

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong... and sometimes it's embarrassing. ÔÇ¿ÔÇ¿There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it. ÔÇ¿ÔÇ¿

HAVE A HOLIDAY "HO-HO-HO!"

This guy goes into his dentist's office, because something is wrong with his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Holy Smoke! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?"

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

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