Humor

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt, that he forgets his sugar.

Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.

When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Wedding dress $5000. Wedding Tux rental-$100.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your oyster.

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to  absorb the culture. When the son returned, he said, "Papa, I had a great  time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity."

"Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?"

100+ Years of Fatherhood

In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.ÔÇ¿ÔÇ¿

In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.ÔÇ¿ÔÇ¿

In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived. Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure a new tape is in the video camera.

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A Man's Perspective)

I know I'm never going to understand women.
I can't understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor...
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

Admiral Rickover's Retirement - True Story

At one point in time during his career, Admiral Hyman Rickover, the father of the Nuclear Navy, was commander of a carrier task force and had his flag on the carrier.

For exercise, Adm. Rickover walked a lap around the flight deck every day. It became custom for the sailors to approach the Admiral during his walks, and gripe, complain, etc., and the Admiral would take care of the problems brought forth by the crew. It was a great morale booster.

GREAT TRUTHS...
THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED

-- Author Unknown

Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down: 73 in a 55 zone. Fourth time in as many months. How could a guy get caught so often?

When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but only partially. Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror. The cop was stepping out of his car, the big pad in hand.

The following is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.—————————- To whom it may concern, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which …